More than a name, or face in the crowd

Been crazy busy and I shldn't be doing this now... but I've updates so just a short entry before I sleep.

Good news for my loved ones:

#1: Dean's List for AY2009/2010 Semester 1 :)

I'm aiming for Dean's List again this semester because I figure it'll be a lot more difficult to get onto the Dean's List once I'm in Year 4. I'll be doing only Level 4 Econs modules then and I don't think it'll be easy. Throughout university, I've never really set distinct goals or aims for myself because I think I work better without them. Without goals or aims, I just work crazy hard and wait to see what I can achieve at my limit. But this time, I see Dean's List as a challenge to myself - I'm taking two S/U-able modules, and only two Econs modules this semester (Four last semester, two this semester. Got to love my screwed-up planning) so the workload is a lot less, so Dean's List shld be a lot more achievable.

#2: I got my Civil Service Internship with the Ministry of Manpower!!

I'll be part of a team in-charge of a project called "Enhancing the reach of low-wage worker schemes" and I'm damnnn excited because I'll be designing and executing an outreach event for the Workfare Income Supplement scheme. Extremely extremely excited and really looking forward to the whole experience.

Visited two social agencies for my Social Work module over the recess week too. A lot of thoughts about that, I hope I've the time.

So life has been great :) BUT Global Environmental Issues mid-term next Thurday, Financial Economics mid-term next Friday, Real Estate Law mid-term following Wednesday. SO tomorrow onwards, full study mode.

Just a short post because I'm tooooo amused.

I love Wondergirls' Nobody I think it's a great song... very catchy and all. And I understand that they want to enlarge their fanbase but DO YOU HAVE TO RECORD THE SONG IN A NEW LANGAUGE EVERY TIME YOU WANT TO BREAK INTO A NEW MARKET?! The English version was already quite cringe-worthy... the Chinese version is just painful to listen to.

不管谁先伤害谁 我只需要你安慰 HAHAHA.

You HAVE to listen to this:


Okay I can go to bed smiling tonight hahaha.

Decided to revive this space because a lot has been going through my mind lately and I feel like I need an avenue to release these pent-up thoughts. I don't know when it started or what triggered it, but it suddenly dawned on me that I'm old.

Not in the "OMG I'm already 22" way because age has never been a concern to me. But in the... "I need to grow up" way. In the past, the thought of growing up never fail to worry and stress me because I'd think about how I need to grow up, earn money and support my parents so that they can retire and lead a happy and blissful life. It was always my parents at the centre of the picture, but now I think about me, just me, in first person.

I love my parents and I want them to be happy, but I've realised that they'll never be happy if I'm not happy. So I've been thinking a lot... thinking about what I want to do with my life in future, how I want to lead it. All along, I never had an ambition and I studied hard with no aim or goal in mind, knowing that it's just something I've to do. But now I'm proud to say this - I think I've found my ambition. I want to work in the public sector so that I can put what I've learnt to practice and improve the lives of Singaporeans like me, and my family.

I think applying for the Internship@Gov programme has helped. Browsing through the projects available for application has made me realise how relevant the public sector is to the lives of Singaporeans. Whether you like it or not, the government does have a tight grip over the lives of Singaporeans. But it shld be more than just a tight grip, but also a benevolent one, because ultimately it's the lives of Singaporeans which matter the most. Noble talk maybe... But I genuinely feel this way.

I've chosen five projects that I'm interested in, all that is left to do is a description of myself in 1500 characters. How do you describe yourself in 1500 characters? It's like describing a friend you know so well, you don't quite know where to start or what to say. But I'll get around to it tomorrow, I've one more week. Nothing is certain yet, and I don't know if I'll succeed in my application. But at least I'm trying.

I used to be very satisfied with status quo and resist changes. But now I'm sorry, almost regretful to say that I've missed out on so much in life. But I know it's not too late to start. I know that other than the internship application, I've not done much else. But I see my life changing in little ways that make me happy. I love to read the newspapers now, I like to find out what's happening in the world around me - small changes, big changes. I like changes. I used to avoid doing things that I'm scared of because they upset my status quo and this imaginary balance I thought I created. But  if I don't do things just because I'm scared, I'll never get anything done. I'll never know how good or bad I am at something until I try. I need to step out of my comfort zone and do things that shake me so that I'll get braver. 

As Simon Cowell always says on American Idol, he likes people who go out there and take some risks. Taking risks is well... risky, and intimidating. But we all learn from falling down, so if I don't take that step, I don't even get the chance to learn.

I think a lot of this came from my brother. My brother is never scared to do anything, his only fears in the world are probably height, onions and Chinese parsley. Because he is fearless like that, I get reprimanded a lot for being the way that I am. A few days ago, in his attempt to encourage me for my internship application he said, "Eh damn cool la, maybe you'll get a job at MOM before you even graduate." To that I said "Impossible la... Where got so easy." And then came his pep talk: "If you don't believe in yourself, then you'll never succeed in anything you do. If you want to achieve anything, you need to first believe in yourself." I don't deny that my bro does stress me out a lot, but I know it's good for me. And because he is right every time, I know it's time to change.

A lot more has been going through my head but this will suffice for now. Not bad at all for a revival entry, hopefully I keep this going :)

我告别　闪耀却迷乱的一切
在风里回来
温暖又让麻木的灵魂重燃感觉

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破

Most amusing thing I've watched in a long while: one 13-year-old boy and one 14-year-old boy singing 新不了情. Especially how the 13-year-old boy smiles into the camera as he sings almost heartbreaking lyrics. Awww I wished I was young again.

Anywayyy, I spent the whole afternoon watching Campus Superstar videos on youtube. Came across videos of Zhiyang and thought of how Candy, Teck and I went crazy screaming in the LT for him (plus how I voted 10 times and smsed 8978934734 friends to ask them to vote for him HAHA). Came across a video of Adriano singing Jia Gei Wo too and got reminded of Candy's everlasting love for him. -cue MSN heart wink- OH YES Adriano works in an apparel shop in Bugis by the way, I think Candy secretly asks me to go there all the time cos of him.

I need to get over the holiday mood and start studying soon. Friday shall be my last day of slacking, I will start studying this weekend.

Oh but have I mentioned how the construction site just next to my block is driving me #$%$#$%? They start drilling at 8 am in the morning so every morning I've to wake up and move to my parents' room to sleep. And the wind around here has been insanely strong lately (last night the wind blowing through my half-opened window blew over a water bottle HALF-FILLED with water how absurd is that!!). Crazy wind + irritating construction site = floor feels like a desert under my feet every single freaking day. So I've to sweep the floor every day zzz.

Just my luck. I can never seem to get peace. Previously I had to share my room; when I didn't have to anymore they started building flats outside my window.

Lesson at 8 30 am tomorrow. Earliest lesson in 4 semesters, I hope I don't die.

Have you ever felt like you're trying your best but your best is still not good enough? 

I haven't been patient enough.

What do you do to vent your frustrations? I've thrown pillows, I've thrown clothes, I've thrown a fan. If I remember the ache I feel now; I remember every detail clearly, cos I regret every single action.

I will do better tomorrow.

Life has reached a point of absolute torturous boredom. I've watched every possible episode of Kang Xi on this living planet so now I'm reduced to playing Bookworm Adventures on popcap.com. Suddenly I cannot wait for school to start.

I need to get out of the house and start having a life.

"Annie, I admire your spirit, your ability to look past all these limitations life gives you and embrace it." 

I'll keep this with me my whole life.

No I didn't abandon my lj againn if that was what anyone of you was thinking. Just that there wasn't anything significant in my life to blog about. Not that there is now, unless... you consider eating a full Burger King meal for the first time since 2 years a big deal?  Burger King fries really suck by the way, they're just a heap of soggy potatoes. And I made such a mess out of eating my Whopper burger I'm not going to eat Burger King for another 2 years.

(Candy, please recall me eating Mcdonald's filet burger. HAHA I'm such a moron)

How is it possible that every single song in the latest Mayday album is nice? They're so bloody talented. And they're freeeaking brilliant live. I must go to their concert some day (hint hint Dong Dong). I think it's completely understandable that their album sold better than Jay Chou's, if that is really true. I'd buy Mayday's latest album over Jay Chou's latest one any day.

Good news: Eugene got 94 for Math and Eunice got 74 for Math!! I know I know 74 doesn't sound like a big deal but Eunice is in Primary 4 and she was consistently getting 30+ 40+ for Math so IT IS A BIG DEAL. I'm so proud of them, and it makes me feel good about myself 'cos at least it shows that I did do my job well. They haven't gotten the rest of their papers back but I hope they do just as well too :) Speaking of papers, I'm getting my Macroeconomics mid-term paper back tomorrow. Yes the one I was complaining about like a baby. Everyone please keep your fingers crossed for me.

Exams are nearing, but I'm spending more and more time on the computer each day this is not good :(

Headache, good night.

Been away for some time, but this is a shout-out to whoever reads this: YES I'M ALIVE! But close to being dead. Slept at 3 30 am last night (watching Taiwan ou xiang ju, this is going to be the death of me) and woke up at 7 15 am for tutorial at 9 am. I was 15 mins late for the tutorial 'cos of the bus and the tutorial lasted only half an hour so $#%$#&^&$ I should have just continued sleeping and missed the tutorial altogether. 4 straight hours of lecture after that, then 3 straight hours of tuition. I'm close to dozing off as I'm typing this.

But anyway 3 straight hours of tuition is really no joke especially since the kids were exceptionally hyper today. They asked me A MILLION AND ONE questions during tuition today, here's a sample of the questions:

1) Do you think Eugene is girly?
2) What is sissy?
3) Have you got injection before?
4) What dream you have when you were young?
5) Study Economics can become what?
6) Do you have admire? (this meant if there was anyone I like -_-)
7) Have you stepped on shit before?
8) Have you played with kangaroos before?

I almost died answering their questions. Talk about random. But on a sidenote, they're really so loveable I WANT KIDS.

Korkor's birthday is coming soon = birthday present = big hole in wallet. But I love my brother so that's okay :) And I already know what I'm going to buy so that makes my job a wholeee lot easier.

Okay I'm really dying, need to go sleep now. Will be back!

PS: I know I promised not to post excessively about JJ Lin but this isn't excessive this is necessary - his new album is out and I feel like I'm IN LOVE with him all over again!! Can someone ask him to marry me pleaseee? <3